Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
