I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
