Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
