I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
