new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
