Already got asked if we're dating
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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