New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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