Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
