I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
