apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
