my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
