it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
we should paint friendship bongs
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
