we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
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