it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
