I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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