DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
only you would photoshop your dick
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
