I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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