you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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