She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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