walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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