the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
