are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
