I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
