Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
