I have demons in me.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
