I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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