She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I have already put on my inside pants.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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