Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
