my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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