I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So much rum. So many feels.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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