i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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