im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So much rum. So many feels.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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