I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
