There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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