I think my vagina is haunted
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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