I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
