He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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