Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
