I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
