lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
