ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
