Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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