I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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