Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I currently don't understand fingers.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
