It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
