I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
