OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm like, not good at living.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
