If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
