What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
