Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
