zippers are such a cool invention
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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