The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
