:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
