So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
