so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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