By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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