He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
